About 3am, Mennie (y’all call her menopause) reminded me with a hug, “You matter, too.”
Well, dagnabbit, Mennie. I wasn’t trying to shed tears at 3am, but there I was.
I’m what folks might call “good people,” kind and giving, sometimes to a fault. And, that’s not a brag. I got it honestly from my late parents, the epitome of earth angels whose deep legacy of loving service shaped me and made the world brighter for everyone they knew.
But I also watched my sweeter-than-honey mama sink into depression from a lifetime of service that leaned too far into self‑sacrifice. After Mom finally sought needed support for her own wellness, she tried her best to help me avoid repeating her journey. As a teenager by then, I heard her, but the message came late. An unhealthy rhythm of self‑sacrifice had already taken up residence in my mind and heart.
Now as a midlife mama, I’m miles away from that girl after lots of healing work that still continues. But sometimes, the old habit of prioritizing everyone else at my own expense resurfaces.
Case in point: My sweet daughter recently asked, “Mom, what do you want for your birthday? Maybe an experience you’ve been wanting to check out?” I had no answer and, days later, still nothing. I’m learning that “good people” don’t always have a wish list because our minds and hearts are often depleted after prioritizing the needs of those we care for so much.
Don’t get it twisted, though: I won’t stop being good people or loving my village. It’s who I am, and in a world that’s often unkind and over-demanding, we need lovingkindness more than ever. But, now I’m also working on activating more joy, deeper rest, and yes, even a wish list I can share with my daughter.
Mennie reminded this “good people” of a mind/heartset I’ve often sacrificed needlessly: Those I care for matter tremendously. And so do I.
Can’t thank you enough for this reminder, Mennie-girl.
🤎
Tell me, good people:
How are you caring for yourself?
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